Speaking American

Dear Desi,

You've moved here to the land of opportunity et al (don't believe too much of the opportunity bit, significant marketing at work there) and you're trying to find your feet.

One of the first things you need to figure out is speech. It may sound like English, read like English, but it is assuredly not the same language they speak here.

Superlatives

Everything is either terrible or fantastic or awesome or people are SO sorry. Don't believe a word of it. Discount about 99% of the emotion you read behind the words. Do not, for instance, attempt to coopt the speaker who has said "So sorry" when you missed the bus, into giving you a lift. 

Just doesn't make sense

You say "thank you" and someone says "sure". Sure of what? Whatever happened to "you're welcome"? or even the desi "mention not"

Mean the exact opposite of what they say

"It was great meeting you. We should get together sometime!"

Translation: You're great, but we're not ever going to get together: I've already got friends, and I'm way too polite to intrude on your life with something like an invitation to drinks, or whatever, even if you're new in town and are actually sitting at home by yourself. (I borrowed this from a cool list here: https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/seattle/things-people-say-in-seattle-vs-what-they-actually-mean)

Mean EXACTLY what they say

"Let's go out for a drink"

Emphasis on the "a" rather than "drink". This means that if you were visualising a happy late Friday evening getting sloshed to the gills, think again. It means that you get into that bar at 5:30, have a drink and get out at 6. Honest! 

Will go to insane lengths to abbreviate

U Dub - is actually the same as University of Washington. Where's the dub coming from? Not dubstep, though it is pretty popular here. Good try. No - it's UW (yoo double yoo)

Delusional lies mixed with the truth

"It doesn't really rain so much out here. More like a drizzle. And the summers are gorgeous!" 

Have fun :)